Jackson RolyaT

Month

June 2010

Life Shuffle

Dear Tumblr,

So I knew I wanted to write tonight, but I didn’t know what to write about. I spent a while thinking and thinking but I came up with nothing. I was just about to lay down to go to bed when I checked facebook on my iPod and saw someone’s status. It read: “everyone eventually leaves.” This immediately sparked an interesting thought in my head.

Its true if you think about it. Sadly, even if it’s family who will be in your life for a long time, they do eventually have to die, just like everyone. A depressing thought, I know, but it’s reality.

On a less depressing thought, think about friends. Some stay in your life for a long time, and you become close to them, but they eventually move on to other people and fade away. Rarely do friendships last from the young, school ages, all the way till the nursing home years. It’s possible though.

On the other hand, you have those friends who come in and out of your life, kind of like there playing a big game of musical chairs with you. Sometimes this can be an unintentional thing, and sometimes they don’t always want to be in your life for whatever reason. Sometimes you just loose touch with people over time. It’s silly, in my opinion thought. Silly that life, and the people you have in it, are like a big game of musical chairs.

I guess if you believe the old saying “everything happens for a reason” the musical chairs theory kind of makes sense. Some people come in for a reason, hang around for a while, show their reason for being around, and go for a reason. Some stay for the long haul, which could possibly be the reason they’re in your life in the first place. Seem’s to explain it pretty well.

I guess it’s true. In the end  we do all end up alone. BUT! That doesnt mean that you have to spend your life being alone. Surround yourself with people who will stick around for the long haul, and not play musical chairs with your life.

Goodnight.

~ Jackson

Jun 27, 2010
2009-2010

Dear Tumblr,

So, today was the last day of actual classes as a Junior. It didn’t really dawn on me until I got on the bus that this chapter in my life is ending. I can’t believe how crazy this year has even been.

So much has happened this year, its hard to even imagine it all (and remember it). The new friends ive made, the friends i’ve lost, the people i’ve kept close, the love, heartbreak, the surgery I had, all the school stuff. It’s so much, and it’s absolutely crazy. Honestly, I think my life is pretty boring, that nothing really exciting happens but if I look back on a past year, or even the past few months I realized that alot in fact does happen in my life. Who knew?

Of course, with remembering the past, comes weather I regret doing certain things, or meeting certain people. Sometimes, I want to think that I do regret certain things, or that I never met certain people but honestly that’s not how I really feel. Everything in this world happens for a reason, no matter what. The hard part about everything is finding what the meaning behind it is, and why it really happened. I mean, if everything happens for a reason, why not try to find that reason?

So yeah, like I said, I cant believe this year is over. Its been long, and so much has happened. I guess I like to think of my life sectioned off. School is a section, summer is one, and I separate them in my head. Summer is one experience, and school is another.

I guess what i’m really trying to say is i’m ready to close this chapter in my “Book of Life” and start the next one, and if i’m right, the next one is going to be an amazing chapter, and this time, im not going to let anyone stop me from making it an amazing one.

Goodnight.

~ Jackson

Jun 22, 20101 note
TWLOHA

Dear Tumblr,

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I want to continue my life. Where do i want to go from high school into the real works, and what I want to do. I’ve finally settled on something.. Psychology. Maybe I’ll like Psychology, maybe I wont, who knows. I’ve made a pact though.. No matter what I pursue from high school and beyond I want to help people. No matter what I choose to do, I want it to help someone. I want to make the difference in someone’s life.

I didn’t really want this post to be about me though, I wanted it to be more about what inspired me to want to reach for this goal. Simply put, its a company called “To Write Love on Her Arms”. Maybe you know it, maybe you don’t.

To Write Love is basically a non-profit organization that acts as a bridge between you and getting help with things in your life such as depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

TWLOHA started off by a story that came out to help the creator’s friend. At the time it seems that he never had any big dream to To Write Love, but just wanted to reach out and help his friend. After a while the story spread and people started to relate there own lives to the story and things caught on.

Today To Write Love has raised over $700,000 dollars that’s all gone towards charities to help people who are in need. Honestly, who knows how many people its helped, shown they can get help, and inspired. This to me is a HUGE deal. In the world we live in today there’s a lot more bad than good, and its nice to see something like this shine through the darkness and into the light.

TWLOHA hits home hard for me too. I know of at least two friends that its basically helped save there lives. I know there was a time in my life where I was going through a lot of issues and, to be honest, I think TWLOHA saved my life as well. This, of course, is a story for another day.

In all honesty, the creater of TWLOHA Jamie Tworkowski has inspired me to do something good in this world. I want to help people, the same way TWLOHA and Jamie have. They are so inspirational.

Make a difference in someone’s life, no matter how small. It could mean the world to them.

Goodnight

~ Jackson

Jun 16, 2010
On the lookout!

Dear Tumblr,

Just wrote an amazingly long but badly written post about my whole eating disease I have and my experience with it. But its not ready to be published.

Be on the lookout for this post, probably some time tomorrow!

As for tonight, lyrics!:

“If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?”

If you found out today was your last day, what would you do?

Something deep to think about there.

Goodnight.

~ Jackson

Jun 14, 2010
“Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ‘cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice”
—If today was your last day - Nickelback
Jun 11, 2010
Making a Difference

Dear Tumblr,

Hey tumblr. So I know I haven’t written here in a long time. To be honest I lost some motivation to write here, creativity aswell. Well today I was on my formspring and got this as a question:

“jaxont, i love your tumblr…it really gives me motivation to keep on living…please keep posting.”

Of course, because formspring is anonymous I have no clue who wrote this. I never realize how inspiring and motivating my writing’s could be, so i’m back here writing again. Probably on a regular basis. Thank you, Anonymous, for encouraging me to start writing again. This post is dedicated to whoever wrote that comment. :]

Anyway, now to my actual post:

It’s funny what High School can do to someone. Going into High School I was this fat, nerdy, gross kid. Honestly, I had no personality and was scared of girls (>_<). Looking at myself I cant even begin to believe how much has changed. I’m skinny now. Stronger, both mentally and physically. I’ve developed an amazing personality that people seem to adore (well, some people).

Along the line of developing this new me.. Or what I like to call, the real me, I realized that I had an interesting.. power if you will. I noticed something with my new personality. I noticed that I could very easily be the mean, asshole dude who treats people like shit.. OR I could be the nice person, who makes a difference in someone’s life. I realized that I had the power to make someone who was so upset and depressed with there life problems, smile, all because I said something, or all because I cared or showed compassion. This, I think, struck me hard when I first realized that that’s what I could do.

High School has also showed me the cruel, harsh reality that is the real life. Sadly, it’s showed me that now-a-days it seems like there are more bad people out in the world than there are good. I can’t personally understand this. How can there be so many bad people out there, being good is so easy, and it’s so rewarding in the end. I still have never figured it out.

I think what really gets me is that it’s SO easy to say something so simple to someone and who knows, it could make there day! Yet I hardly see anyone doing that, or even realizing that they have the power to do that.

Just remember this: Everyday you make a difference in someone else’s life, just as much as they make a difference in your’s. You are loved.

Just something to think about. Goodnight.

~ Jackson

Jun 10, 20101 note
Quote

Dear Tumblr,
A quote come to mind to describe my feelings right now.

“Nice guy’s finish last”

I hate the fact that that’s so true :/

I hate the fact that no matter how nice I am, or caring, or loving, it seems like I just get walked all over.

I hate the fact that the people who don’t deserve anyone in there lives get everyone, and the people who actually deserve someone get left alone.

I hate the fact that I feel left out in so much I should be included in.

Its like, if your entire group of friends when out to eat and go bowling and had a great time, but they didn’t invite you, or even think about inviting you. That’s basically how I feel. :/

~ Jackson

Jun 1, 2010
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